A lot is going on in my life right now and a lot of it isn't easy. My natural reaction is to turn to food for comfort and distraction. I don't know why that's my reaction, but it is. I'm hyper-aware of that now - but being aware doesn't make it any easier. When things are hard, there is a voice in my head that tells me I deserve to have that ice cream, that I need to not be so hard on myself, that it will make me feel better.
I completely realize that those are lies I tell myself. Because the fact is, what I deserve is to be healthy. What I deserve is to take care of myself. What I deserve is to be at a healthy weight. That will ultimately make me feel better - not diving in to a bowl of ice cream. So I really think that food isn't so much of a comfort as it is a distraction. For just a few minutes it takes me away from my problems or worries. It makes me feel like I'm in control of something.
When its all said and done, giving in to those cravings only makes me feel worse. It makes me feel badly about myself, makes me feel less empowered, less in control, less hopeful.
But in the moment, that lying voice that tells me I deserve that ice cream is still louder than the voice that tells me I deserve to be healthy. And that's really frustrating.
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