I think I've talked about this before but I'm bringing it up again because I'm feeling so frustrated. I have a MAJOR issue with water retention. I mean, as soon as I eat (even if its a chicken breast and steamed greens) my hands get puffy to where I can't remove my wedding ring. Seriously. It's crazy. (No, its not allergies. I've been tested).
It was recommended that I start supplementing with dandelion extract. I tried that, but it didn't improve my water retention. Then I cut out my supplements. This is the 3rd day without my supplements. I'm more frustrated than ever. I'm still retaining a substantial amount of water and I'm REALLY feeling the difference without my supplements. Its a great thing in that I can tell that the supplements were making a difference. For example, one of the supplements I take is to help maintain optimal levels of cortisol and manage stress - the past two days without it my stress level has been significantly higher. I feel tense and on edge. One of the other supplements helps with cravings and satiety. Let me just tell you that in the past couple of days I've noticed a MAJOR increase in cravings. Bad news! I've GOT to get back on these supplements! Ugh. No fun.
Anyways - I've cut out sodium, dairy and artificial sweeteners but still having this significant water retention issue. Such a bummer. Feeling defeated today.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Tough Day
Today has been tough. I don't know why, it's just been a hard day. I felt overwhelmed at work as soon as the day started. Feeling like there is a lot on my plate and not really knowing where to dive in and get started. I looked at my crazy long list of things to do and felt defeated. The crazy thing is, I have a crazy long list every day. For some reason, today I felt much less in control. Somebody brought in brownies and I really, really wanted one. I wasn't hungry, and I wasn't even craving chocolate - I just wanted to eat crap. I felt like it would make me feel better. I must have walked by them 50 times. But I didn't eat one.
Then I got home from work and my sweet husband grilled me a turkey burger. I ate it, wasn't hungry anymore, sat down to pay some bills....and just wanted to eat again. Had there been junk food in the house, I'm pretty confident I would have eaten it. That whole bargaining thing (see my last post) started to happen. "You're stressed. It's been a bad day. Take the night off from eating healthy. What's one night?" Fortunately, there wasn't any "real" junk. There was, however, a bag of FF microwave popcorn. And I ate it. And now I feel guilty.
Looking back on the day, I'm trying to identify what made me feel different than other days. 1) I didn't really have time to eat my snacks at work. 2) I didn't write down my non-work goals for the day. 3) I didn't take my Transitions ACTS (I think that might be a big part of this). 3. I didn't have any veggies with my lunch OR dinner (I know - bad bad. I had tuna on a high fiber tortilla for lunch and just a turkey burger for dinner). I guess it's not too hard to identify what went wrong!! I mean, not a terrible day, but not my best day either. I'm tired and cranky and feeling defeated. I guess this is a day to go to bed early, huh?
Then I got home from work and my sweet husband grilled me a turkey burger. I ate it, wasn't hungry anymore, sat down to pay some bills....and just wanted to eat again. Had there been junk food in the house, I'm pretty confident I would have eaten it. That whole bargaining thing (see my last post) started to happen. "You're stressed. It's been a bad day. Take the night off from eating healthy. What's one night?" Fortunately, there wasn't any "real" junk. There was, however, a bag of FF microwave popcorn. And I ate it. And now I feel guilty.
Looking back on the day, I'm trying to identify what made me feel different than other days. 1) I didn't really have time to eat my snacks at work. 2) I didn't write down my non-work goals for the day. 3) I didn't take my Transitions ACTS (I think that might be a big part of this). 3. I didn't have any veggies with my lunch OR dinner (I know - bad bad. I had tuna on a high fiber tortilla for lunch and just a turkey burger for dinner). I guess it's not too hard to identify what went wrong!! I mean, not a terrible day, but not my best day either. I'm tired and cranky and feeling defeated. I guess this is a day to go to bed early, huh?
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Bargaining with Myself
Hey guys - sorry I didn't get to post a blog last night...we have no power because of the storms around here. We aren't expected to get it back until tomorrow! Such a drag. I'm feeling totally gross today without a "proper" shower.
Let me ask a rhetorical question: Do you ever bargain with yourself? I totally do it all the time. I had planned all day yesterday to go to the gym after work. However, on my way home, the bargaining started. "I really don't want to work out tonight. In fact, I'm tired and it probably wouldn't be a great workout. It would probably be better if I take tonight off and just work out early tomorrow AM. I mean, my food has been perfect. I'm still going to lose weight regardless of whether or not I workout. Well, we'll play it by ear. Let me just relax for a few minutes before I decide."
Fortunately for me, the power was out when I got home. Not TV to watch - no internet to distract me. The gym became my best option. But honestly, if the power had not been out, I'm not sure I would have worked out. And if I had put it off til this morning, I'm about 99% sure I wouldn't have worked out. As I was going through my workout I was reminded of the saying "Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today". It's so true. There was nothing going on to keep me from the gym. I just didn't feel like it. But a big part of this journey, for me, is making the decision to do things because they are good for me - regardless of whether or not I feel like it.
And the bargaining isn't always about workouts. Oftentimes its food. "I'm not going to have any cake at this party. I don't need it. But it looks so good. I'll just have a small piece. A small piece is better than a huge piece, right? I've been good all day. I'll have a small dinner. I'll workout extra hard tonight".
It's those internal dialogues that threaten success. It's old habits trying to creep back in to my every day life. Temptation. Justification. Bargaining. I'm working to be more aware of those internal struggles and identify them as what they are: threats. lies. attempts to throw me off course.
As for yesterday, I made it to the gym and had a great workout. Once I finished, as always, I was so glad I went.
Let me ask a rhetorical question: Do you ever bargain with yourself? I totally do it all the time. I had planned all day yesterday to go to the gym after work. However, on my way home, the bargaining started. "I really don't want to work out tonight. In fact, I'm tired and it probably wouldn't be a great workout. It would probably be better if I take tonight off and just work out early tomorrow AM. I mean, my food has been perfect. I'm still going to lose weight regardless of whether or not I workout. Well, we'll play it by ear. Let me just relax for a few minutes before I decide."
Fortunately for me, the power was out when I got home. Not TV to watch - no internet to distract me. The gym became my best option. But honestly, if the power had not been out, I'm not sure I would have worked out. And if I had put it off til this morning, I'm about 99% sure I wouldn't have worked out. As I was going through my workout I was reminded of the saying "Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today". It's so true. There was nothing going on to keep me from the gym. I just didn't feel like it. But a big part of this journey, for me, is making the decision to do things because they are good for me - regardless of whether or not I feel like it.
And the bargaining isn't always about workouts. Oftentimes its food. "I'm not going to have any cake at this party. I don't need it. But it looks so good. I'll just have a small piece. A small piece is better than a huge piece, right? I've been good all day. I'll have a small dinner. I'll workout extra hard tonight".
It's those internal dialogues that threaten success. It's old habits trying to creep back in to my every day life. Temptation. Justification. Bargaining. I'm working to be more aware of those internal struggles and identify them as what they are: threats. lies. attempts to throw me off course.
As for yesterday, I made it to the gym and had a great workout. Once I finished, as always, I was so glad I went.
Monday, April 4, 2011
My Appetite Is Not For Food
Have you read 'Women Food and God'? I'm reading it now. I bought it several months ago at the recommendation of my sister, Emily, but I was working through several other books and didn't get through the first chapter of it but now I'm diving back in. I loved the first chapter and I hope I like the rest just as well. Be prepared for numerous references between now and when I finish.
I sat down to read for a bit but didn't even get through a page before I felt the need to share it here. Such a huge, powerful, substantial thought - I had to put it out there.
In chapter 2 Geneen writes: "Women turn to food when they are not hungry because they are hungry for something they can't name: a connection to what is beyond the concerns of daily life. Something deathless, something sacred. But replacing the hunger for divine connection with Double Stuf Oreos is like giving a glass of sand to a person dying of thirst. It creates more thirst, more panic...We lose the pieces of ourselves waiting to be found beneath it."
Um, hello. Yeah. I can totally relate to that feeling of turning to food only to make things so much worse. My challenge here is to define what exactly I'm longing for that I have been silencing with food. To seek and find those pieces of myself that are hidden beneath 20+ years of emotional garbage. I don't have any answers today. I'm just spending more time with myself and my thoughts - time in prayer, time in self-reflection and brutal honesty about my feelings.
Does this make any sense to anyone? Maybe other people quench their hunger with drugs or lust or money and totally can't relate to my issue with food. I don't know. What are you truly hungry for? Have you always known? When I find out what I'm hungry for, I'll let you know.
I sat down to read for a bit but didn't even get through a page before I felt the need to share it here. Such a huge, powerful, substantial thought - I had to put it out there.
In chapter 2 Geneen writes: "Women turn to food when they are not hungry because they are hungry for something they can't name: a connection to what is beyond the concerns of daily life. Something deathless, something sacred. But replacing the hunger for divine connection with Double Stuf Oreos is like giving a glass of sand to a person dying of thirst. It creates more thirst, more panic...We lose the pieces of ourselves waiting to be found beneath it."
Um, hello. Yeah. I can totally relate to that feeling of turning to food only to make things so much worse. My challenge here is to define what exactly I'm longing for that I have been silencing with food. To seek and find those pieces of myself that are hidden beneath 20+ years of emotional garbage. I don't have any answers today. I'm just spending more time with myself and my thoughts - time in prayer, time in self-reflection and brutal honesty about my feelings.
Does this make any sense to anyone? Maybe other people quench their hunger with drugs or lust or money and totally can't relate to my issue with food. I don't know. What are you truly hungry for? Have you always known? When I find out what I'm hungry for, I'll let you know.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
The Morning After
So, last night I had a cheat meal. It wasn't a spur-of-the-moment-I-need-to-eat-that kind of thing. I planned it out. It's been 4 weeks and I wanted to enjoy a cheat meal and challenge myself to not let it turn in to a downward spiral.
So, last night Aaron and I went out for Mexican food (my favorite) and I ate a chicken chimichanga. I didn't eat the rice or beans that came with the meal - I planned to - but honestly, my chimichanga totally filled me up (that's rare). I really credit that entirely to Transitions CORE - one of the supplements I take that helps me to feel fuller sooner. After dinner, I got some fat-free sugar-free vanilla frozen yogurt with chocolate sprinkles. I didn't feel guilty at all because I had planned for it. I didn't go overboard and I didn't go crazy.
But, the most important part for me was the morning after. This morning. Getting back on track. Oftentimes in the past, a night out turns in to breakfast out the next morning or a stop for ice cream the next day. I had a plan for today - I knew exactly what I was going to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I knew I was going to get up, fix an egg white omelet, go to church, come home and have a grilled chicken salad, go the gym, go grocery shopping, have a protein bar for a snack and then have tuna for dinner. So far, so good. Here's a little peak of this week's groceries.
I had a really great workout this afternoon (so great I nearly fainted afterwards and felt sick to my stomach for about an hour). I'm headed out here shortly to take the dog to the dog park and I am planning to do some yoga later tonight while I watch Army Wives. It's a good day. Anyways - I thought it was important to share here about my cheat day. Don't worry - it doesn't mean I'm off track in any way, shape, or form. In fact, being able to get back on track today is milestone. Here's to having a week as successful as the weekend! One of my goals this week is to make sure I get 30 grams of fiber each day.
So, last night Aaron and I went out for Mexican food (my favorite) and I ate a chicken chimichanga. I didn't eat the rice or beans that came with the meal - I planned to - but honestly, my chimichanga totally filled me up (that's rare). I really credit that entirely to Transitions CORE - one of the supplements I take that helps me to feel fuller sooner. After dinner, I got some fat-free sugar-free vanilla frozen yogurt with chocolate sprinkles. I didn't feel guilty at all because I had planned for it. I didn't go overboard and I didn't go crazy.
But, the most important part for me was the morning after. This morning. Getting back on track. Oftentimes in the past, a night out turns in to breakfast out the next morning or a stop for ice cream the next day. I had a plan for today - I knew exactly what I was going to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I knew I was going to get up, fix an egg white omelet, go to church, come home and have a grilled chicken salad, go the gym, go grocery shopping, have a protein bar for a snack and then have tuna for dinner. So far, so good. Here's a little peak of this week's groceries.
I had a really great workout this afternoon (so great I nearly fainted afterwards and felt sick to my stomach for about an hour). I'm headed out here shortly to take the dog to the dog park and I am planning to do some yoga later tonight while I watch Army Wives. It's a good day. Anyways - I thought it was important to share here about my cheat day. Don't worry - it doesn't mean I'm off track in any way, shape, or form. In fact, being able to get back on track today is milestone. Here's to having a week as successful as the weekend! One of my goals this week is to make sure I get 30 grams of fiber each day.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
If You Can Walk, You Can Run
I love Saturdays. Saturday is by far my favorite day of the week. It is the only day where I feel like I can make my own schedule and go at my own pace. Of course, I know that will only work until I have kids. But for now, I absolutely love Saturdays.
Today was a great Saturday. I woke up early and went to the gym, went to a friend's birthday party, went and did a little shopping, took a long nap, then had dinner and saw a movie with Aaron. Best of all, its 9:20 and we are in the for the night. If you know me, you know I'm a morning person. More importantly, I am NOT a night owl. I would be perfectly happy to be fast asleep by 9pm every night. That never happens, but I love getting home early and getting a good night's sleep.
So, if you read my post about goals yesterday, you know that within the next 30 days I will be able to run for 30 minutes straight. I've NEVER been a runner. I've always wanted to be, but I've told myself that my body just isn't meant to run. But I'm determined to prove myself wrong. If you can walk, you can run, right?
Right now, I think from a cardiovascular endurance standpoint I could totally do it. But, since I carry most of my extra weight in my hips, butt and legs, my legs get too tired and even though I'm not winded or fatigued, my legs just won't carry me any further. So - I've started an 8 week program that I plan to do in 4-5 weeks. We'll see if I'm being over ambitious or if its reasonable. I started out today with 30 minutes on the treadmill doing repeated intervals of running and walking. Over the next few weeks, the running intervals will get longer and the walking intervals will get shorter. While its only day one, the workout today felt great. It was empowering and energizing. I'm really excited for the next one. I'll definitely keep you posted about my progress!
One of the things I picked up while I was shopping today was dandelion extract. I have a major issue with water retention. In a matter of minutes my ring can go from very lose to not even able to turn on my finger. It's really pretty crazy. I don't know why I have such crazy fluctuations, but its really frustrating. So, I picked up the dandelion extract to help mitigate the water retention. Let me just say - it tastes AWFUL. Totally gross. But hopefully it will serve its intended purpose.
That's all for today. No breakthrough thoughts - no crazy revelations. Just my day. Enjoy your weekend!
Today was a great Saturday. I woke up early and went to the gym, went to a friend's birthday party, went and did a little shopping, took a long nap, then had dinner and saw a movie with Aaron. Best of all, its 9:20 and we are in the for the night. If you know me, you know I'm a morning person. More importantly, I am NOT a night owl. I would be perfectly happy to be fast asleep by 9pm every night. That never happens, but I love getting home early and getting a good night's sleep.
So, if you read my post about goals yesterday, you know that within the next 30 days I will be able to run for 30 minutes straight. I've NEVER been a runner. I've always wanted to be, but I've told myself that my body just isn't meant to run. But I'm determined to prove myself wrong. If you can walk, you can run, right?
Right now, I think from a cardiovascular endurance standpoint I could totally do it. But, since I carry most of my extra weight in my hips, butt and legs, my legs get too tired and even though I'm not winded or fatigued, my legs just won't carry me any further. So - I've started an 8 week program that I plan to do in 4-5 weeks. We'll see if I'm being over ambitious or if its reasonable. I started out today with 30 minutes on the treadmill doing repeated intervals of running and walking. Over the next few weeks, the running intervals will get longer and the walking intervals will get shorter. While its only day one, the workout today felt great. It was empowering and energizing. I'm really excited for the next one. I'll definitely keep you posted about my progress!
One of the things I picked up while I was shopping today was dandelion extract. I have a major issue with water retention. In a matter of minutes my ring can go from very lose to not even able to turn on my finger. It's really pretty crazy. I don't know why I have such crazy fluctuations, but its really frustrating. So, I picked up the dandelion extract to help mitigate the water retention. Let me just say - it tastes AWFUL. Totally gross. But hopefully it will serve its intended purpose.
That's all for today. No breakthrough thoughts - no crazy revelations. Just my day. Enjoy your weekend!
Friday, April 1, 2011
Setting Goals
I am so glad today is Friday! I know I keep saying it but I am so tired this week! Is anybody else feeling that? I need to energize this weekend for sure!
I know I don't talk much about my job on this blog - and I don't plan to - but I think my job is unique in that my work is actually an environment in which my weight loss goals are totally supported. My job is totally focused around health and nutrition. This week, I was helping out with the development of some support materials for our weight management program. One of the things we were talking about is the importance of setting goals. I am a bigtime goal setter. I have goals for work, goals for my marriage, goals for my finances. But while working on this project, I realized that I haven't yet set goals for this weight loss/health transformation journey.
So, not only have I set goals - I am sharing them with you so that you all can help me stay focused and accountable. Because I have a lot of weight to lose and this will be a long process for me, I am setting 30 day and 120 day goals as well as long term goals. I'll remind myself of these goals each day and tweak them as neccessary. I'll definitely have to create new goals after 90 days for the next 3 or 6 months.
30 Day Goals (Target Date: May 1st)
I know I don't talk much about my job on this blog - and I don't plan to - but I think my job is unique in that my work is actually an environment in which my weight loss goals are totally supported. My job is totally focused around health and nutrition. This week, I was helping out with the development of some support materials for our weight management program. One of the things we were talking about is the importance of setting goals. I am a bigtime goal setter. I have goals for work, goals for my marriage, goals for my finances. But while working on this project, I realized that I haven't yet set goals for this weight loss/health transformation journey.
So, not only have I set goals - I am sharing them with you so that you all can help me stay focused and accountable. Because I have a lot of weight to lose and this will be a long process for me, I am setting 30 day and 120 day goals as well as long term goals. I'll remind myself of these goals each day and tweak them as neccessary. I'll definitely have to create new goals after 90 days for the next 3 or 6 months.
30 Day Goals (Target Date: May 1st)
- Between now and May 1st I will exercise at least 4 times each week
- Between now and May 1st I will stop all negative self talk and positively affirm myself and my actions daily
- By May 1st I will be able to jog for 30 minutes without stopping
- By May 1st I will weigh 10 lbs less than I do now.
- Between now and May 1st I will consume at least 30 grams of fiber daily
- Between now and May 1st I will reduce my body fat percentage by at least 1.5%
- By August 1st I will decrease my pant size by at least 2 sizes
- Between now and August 1st I will blog at least 4 times each week
- Between now and August 1st I will identify and journal situations in which I eat for emotion instead of hunger or fuel
- Between now and August 1st I will try at least 2 new low GI recipes each month
- Between now and August 1st I will reduce my body fat by at least 5%
- To boost my confidence and truly believe that I am beautiful
- To achieve and maintain less than 25% body fat
- To get pregnant, maintain a healthy pregnancy and have a healthy baby
- To be an example of peak physical and emotional health in my family and at work
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